A Tale of Two Squiddies
by gmfk07
Summary: An episodic series. He's a practiced veteran, she's the new girl in town. When they team up, they barely save the day at all.
1. Chapter 1

**Splatoon is a copyright of Nintendo, and I don't own it. My usage of these characters theoretically falls under fair use, though if the day comes Nintendo takes me to court over this, it would be equally amazing and terrifying.**

 **I really don't think this disclaimer is necessary, but everyone else is doing it. I think I'm part of the problem.**

* * *

Cobalt's eyes were glued to the screen. The train's loud clattering noises were far less important to him than the pixelated squid jumping from platform to platform. After losing his last life on level 24, he angrily stuffed the SDS back into his pocket. Casually looking between the rows of passengers, he noticed a girl that had sunken into her seat. After a brief moment of hesitation, Cobalt got up and went over to her.

"Hey," he said, quietly, "did… it hurt when angels fell… into your… eyes?" He cursed himself for messing up and then slowly looked at the girl to see her reaction. Luckily, it seems she didn't hear him. Cobalt breathed a sigh of relief and tried again. "What's troubling you?"

"I don't know," she mumbled. "Do you ever wonder what the point of all this is? All this… killing for sport?"

Cobalt chuckled. "So it's your first time, huh?" The girl looked at him, surprised. "I know because everyone always gets cold feet when they start their first few games," he continued. "I bet they showed you that stupid 'Importance of Safety in Turf Wars' video, huh?"

She slowly nodded. The images of those mangled Inkling bodies as a result of using equipment improperly haunted her constantly.

"Well, those clips are all from, like, thirty years ago. Turf Wars has really gotten a lot safer since, I promise. You remember that one clip, with the green Inkling that… yeah, they remodeled the Inkstrikes. They don't open like that anymore, so her tentacle would've never gotten caught in there. But I don't blame you for being scared, I think that part even terrified the teacher." Cobalt grinned.

"So… it's completely safe now?"

"Totally. And all those seniors saying that getting splatted is really painful are just trying to show off. Hey, if you want, we could do Turf Wars together – we just say we're friends and they let us join the same team. I've played a bunch of rounds before, and I could give you some pointers and help you out. How does that sound?"

"I'd love to."

"Great! I don't think I introduced myself, by the way. My name's Cobalt."

"I'm Lina," she said, shaking his hand.

"Pleased to meet you, Lina," Cobalt replied as he sat down next to her. "Now just try to relax until we get to Booyah Base. Everything's going to be fine."

For the first time in days, Lina smiled.

* * *

For the first time in several months, Lina screamed.

Blue ink slowly dripped from her tentacles and Cobalt's. The ground behind the tiny wall they were hiding behind was also a comforting shade of blue. Everything else around them, however, was a painfully vibrant orange. Lina gripped her Splattershot Jr. and curled up into the fetal position.

"It's alright!" yelled Cobalt, holding onto his Splatterscope. "I'll go ahead and take out all the orange Inklings around. It looks like there's two of them, give me one second…"

Lina heard two sudden shots, and then saw her friend slink back down into hiding. She perked back up. "Did you get them?"

"Well… those were actually teammates," he chuckled nervously. Lina went back into the fetal position. "But it doesn't even make any sense," Cobalt continued. "Our teammates are the same color as us, how could I have… ohh, I grabbed the wrong color ink by accident! Ha-ha, classic mistake. Hey Lina, are you alright?"

Lina started quivering.

"Oh no, don't get scared. We're actually doing pretty well." Lina glanced at him skeptically. "Really, we are! Staying alive and finding a good hiding spot actually means we're helping out our team-"

"Cobalt, you and I both know that the only reason we're still alive is that the other team doesn't think splatting us is worth the ink."

"Well, at least let me stay in denial."

Lina sighed and grabbed a strange pyramid item Cobalt was holding. "What's this?"

"Oh, that's a Splat Bomb. As soon as it touches the ground, it starts a countdown. At the end of it, it'll explode, covering the nearby area and anyone near it in ink. Though, it's not much use to us now given that I grabbed the wrong color of…" Cobalt looked down and saw a petrified Lina staring directly at the bomb she took, which was now shaking on the ground.

"I… I'm sorry, I didn't thin-" Lina's voice was drowned out by a deafening explosion, covering the last remaining blue spots.

Cobalt and Lina climbed out of the spawn point, where the rest of their teammates were waiting; a boy and a girl.

"So they got you too, huh?" asked the girl, playfully spinning her roller around with her finger.

"I guess you could say that," replied Cobalt. "What's the score?"

"3,400 – 0."

"That… isn't possible, there aren't even that many points you can get. Besides, we still have our spawn point."

"No," answered the boy, "everything is orange."

Cobalt looked down. Sure enough, the spawn point was bright orange. Confused, he looked off the platform overlooking the sea. The ocean's waves were orange, too. "Wow. I'm… actually more impressed than I am frustrated."

"Isn't there anything we can do?" Lina asked, still recovering from being pieced back together.

"Hey, she's right!" yelled the boy. He shot a few volleys of blue ink into the air, which landed and formed blue puddles on the ground. "There, at least we didn't lose completely." Suddenly, the sound of launching rockets filled the air. The team watched futilely as four consecutive Inkstrikes gushed orange ink over the tiny blue puddles. If anything, the ground was an even brighter shade of orange than before. "Well," sighed the boy, his eagerness crushed, "at least it'll be over soon."

5 seconds left on the clock. Lina felt like she had to do something, but what? Her Splattershot Jr. wasn't going to be helpful. Suddenly, an idea hit her – she grabbed her Splat Bomb and threw it just as the game-ending bell sounded. It exploded, leaving behind a small trace of blue ink. Lina and Cobalt couldn't figure out why their teammates had their mouths open.

"The score," Judd typed onto the big display, "is an almost purrfect 3,399 – 1." Immediately, their teammates burst into cheering. They carried Lina and ran off, chanting her name, making Cobalt have to run to catch up.

"I don't get it!" yelled Lina. "We still lost!"

"Yeah," said the girl. "But we've gotten zero points in all the other games we've played today, too! This time, we lose by two less!"

The orange team was confused. "It's strange," said the sniper on the team. "We won, yet this victory feels hollow. And yet the losers are happy. Why is that?"

After some deliberation, they decided it was because the blue team was a bunch of idiots.

* * *

After saying goodbye to their newfound friends and ensuring that they'll never play a match with them again, Lina and Cobalt found themselves sitting at a bench in the plaza.

"Hey," said Lina, "thanks a ton for helping me out. It really means a lot."

"N-no problem," replied Cobalt, sheepishly. Lina jumped off the bench and started tugging on his arm.

"Come on, let's play again! This was fun!"

"Are… you sure?"

"Yeah, totally! Getting splatted and all didn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would!"

"Well, you don't really get hurt. You just start feeling really sore whenever you turn back into squid form until you get used to it."

Lina tried turning into a squid when a wave of pain struck her body. Holding back tears, she frantically climbed back onto the bench and turned back to normal.

Cobalt had to keep himself from laughing. "You know what, MVP? I think we've played enough for today. Why don't we just go shopping for the rest of the day and we can do Turf Wars again tomorrow?"

Eyes wide open, Lina nodded.


	2. Chapter 2

Lina slowly stepped down the dim hallway. Whatever lighting system the Octarians were using had to be running at low power, she thought, as she tried to follow the directions Cobalt had given her yesterday. Yet all the tunnels and kettles she had gone through looked the same, and she began to wonder if she had taken a wrong turn somewhere. Just as she was about to turn back around to try to retrace her steps, Lina heard a voice from behind her.

"So you're… ten minutes late on your first day. I was starting to worry you weren't gonna show up."

Lina jumped. "Don't scare me like that, Cobalt."

The boy smiled. "It's alright, it's alright. But don't forget, I put in a good word for you with Captain Cuttlefish. If you look bad, I look bad, so try not to mess up, okay?"

Lina nodded solemnly. Her friend explained the plan – they put on Octarian disguises, pretend to have been transferred from another dome, take the Zapfish when nobody's looking and replace it with an identical plush replica that Cobalt claimed to have sewn himself.

"…You're sure about that?" asked Lina. "I think I saw some garbage cans full of them on my way he-"

"No time for that," he interrupted, "now listen. This is an incredibly important yet dangerous job." Cobalt leaned in closer. "Do you have any idea what happened to the last agent who tried to take back the Zapfish?"

Lina thought. "He left for a job with better pay?"

"Well… yes, but do you know what happened to the agents he replaced?"

"Didn't they get promoted?"

He scowled. "Fine, technically yes, but do you know what happened to the person before them?"

Lina shook her head.

"He got splatted by Octarians!"

She gasped.

"Exactly! And we don't want to be like him, right? Who do we want to be like?"

"Um… Jelonzo?"

"We all want to be like Jelonzo, Lina, but I'm talking about being agents. No, we have to try to be like the Cap'n."

"The Cap'n?" she asked, confused. "But he's just an old coot who sends kids to do his work for him."

"Correction," said Cobalt, raising a finger. "He's a _famous hero_ who sends kids to do his work for him."

"Oh, I think I get it now."

"Good. Did you bring the Octoling disguise like I asked you to?"

Lina froze. She didn't want to look bad on the first day of her job, but she had a pretty terrible memory. "Umm… yes?"

"Alright. Go change somewhere, and we meet back here in 20 minutes. Just stick to the plan and follow my lead, and we'll be fine." Cobalt started to walk away.

"Hey, wait!" Lina yelled. She outstretched her hand. "Agent buddies?"

"Lina, this is serious business. Besides, I never agreed to that name."

"Aw, c'mon! Please?"

Cobalt sighed and slapped her hand. "Fine, we're agent buddies. Now go put on your costume."

Lina kept watching Cobalt walk away until he was out of sight. She sat down and tried to think of anything she could possibly use as a disguise. A small growth of kelp next to her caught her attention.

* * *

One well-stitched costume, some tinted contact lenses, and a few cases of makeup (that he denies he owns) later, Cobalt looked almost exactly like an Octotrooper. The outfit was, however, very uncomfortable – Octotrooper legs are so small, and he had to be in some strange squatting position constantly with his arms scrunched up inside the costume. He envied Lina, whose disguise must be significantly easier to pull off.

After hiding his Hero outfit behind a bush, he waddled over to where he had met Lina earlier. Sure enough, standing there was a very convincing Octoling.

"Wow, Lina," he said to her, hoping his blush wouldn't be visible under all the makeup he used. "You look… great."

"Thanks!" she responded. "You look, uh… the same as usual."

Cobalt frowned. "Is that supposed to be an insult?"

"Hey, you two!" yelled a voice behind them. They both turned around and saw a male Octoling holding some sort of charger in one hand and a clipboard in the other. The tentacles on his head were dark, and kelp was growing on them. His armor consisted of little more than just shorts and shoulder pads, making Cobalt wonder if Octoling armor was equally impractical for both genders. "I'm the general around these parts. I take it you two are new here and… what, why are you looking at me like that?"

Cobalt and Lina looked at each other, then back at the general.

"Oh, I get it. It's because you were expecting a girl, huh?" They both slowly nodded. "Well, so does everyone else. But unlike some people, I had to fight tooth and tentacle to get where I am in this female-dominated industry, and I'm not going to have it ruined by new recruits that have no idea what they're doing. Understood?"

"Yes sir," responded Cobalt. Lina stood silent.

He glanced at them both for a second, then started flipping through his clipboard. "Alright, you there, Octotrooper. What's your name?"

"Me? I'm Cob… er, Octo… the second."

The Octoling glanced at him suspiciously. "Your name's 'Coberocto II?'"

Cobalt started sweating. "…Um, yes?"

His face lit up. "No way! That's my brother's name!" Cobalt sighed in relief. "And here I was thinking it was unique," the general continued. "Anyways, where did you get transferred from?"

"Um, I'm from dome number… six."

"Six?" asked the Octoling. He started flipping through his papers. "The sewage treatment plant?"

Cobalt gulped.

"Wow, I didn't even know they had an army there. You must've been through some tough times. Anyway, welcome to the team."

Cobalt poked Lina's side with his tentacle. "See that?" he whispered. "Handled like a pro."

Lina looked largely unimpressed.

"Okay, now you, girl. What's your name?"

She started trembling and stuttering. Dread filled Cobalt's stomach. He jabbed her with his tentacle again, and she quickly responded "L-Lina."

"What?" whispered Cobalt harshly. "Don't give him your real name!" Lina looked as confused as she was terrified.

"Lina?" said the man in front of them. "That sounds an awful lot like an Inkling name to me. Well, whatever. Where did you get transferred from?"

She started sweating profusely. Cobalt noticed that the general reached for his charger.

"Haha," said Cobalt nervously, jumping in front of Lina. "She's with me, you'll have to forgive her, she's a bit shy and-"

"Quiet, Coberocto. Let her answer this one." Cobalt reluctantly slinked back. "You know something?" continued the Octoling. "The only thing I hate more than an Inkling is an Inkling that thinks they can pass themselves off as an Octarian. People like them don't deserve to be splatted, they deserve to get… dissolved." The general poured out the ink in his weapon and replaced it with water. The tell-tale whirring of a charger sounded as the gun was pointed at Lina. "Now then, I asked you a simple question. What dome did you come from?"

Cobalt started hyperventilating. Lina stayed silent.

The deafening sound of a charger shooting filled the air.

Cobalt wasn't sure how much of the liquid he was feeling was Lina's ink, how much was water, and how much were his own tears. He collapsed to the ground next to her writhing body, completely forgetting about the general next to him. "Lina!" he said, holding back tears. "Oh cod, this is all my fault… I never even got to tell you that I…" Cobalt sniffed. "Do you remember, just a few days ago, when we met on that train?"

"N-no…" she gasped.

"Wait, what?"

"Hey, everyone!" yelled a familiar voice behind Cobalt. He quickly turned around to see Lina, still wearing her hero uniform and looking exactly the same as she did that morning, only with kelp sticking out of her tentacles.

"Oh," replied the general, "good to see you again. Oh," he said, turning to Cobalt, "this is General Nottasquid. She's told me that she once saved four buses full of Octarian kids while simultaneously defending our capital!"

"Oh, please," said Lina, giggling, "there were _fourteen_ buses."

Cobalt was bewildered. "Wait…" he mumbled, looking at the Octoling on the ground. "Then who was…"

"Yeah," sighed the general, "I guess I just splatted an innocent, socially awkward Octoling."

Upon closer inspection, the body left behind was most certainly that of a real Octarian. "So... her name just happened to be Lina?" Cobalt asked.

The general and Lina shrugged.

He wiped tears out of his eyes. "So I'm the only one here concerned that that girl is dead now?"

"Come on," said the general playfully. "Grow a backbone, right baby?"

"Totally," Lina responded. "Well, octopi don't have bones, but whatever."

Cobalt froze. " _Baby?_ "

"Oh, I didn't tell you?" said the general. "We're going out."

"I see," he mumbled, gritting his teeth. "Li… General Nottasquid, can I talk to you in private for a moment?"

* * *

Lina was leaning against the wall, watching her friend pace back and forth in his goofy outfit. Every once in a while he stopped, looked like he was going to say something, then apparently changed his mind and started walking again.

"Erm," said Lina, "was there a point to this or…"

Cobalt breathed in and tightly hugged Lina. "Okay, first of all, I'm so happy you're safe."

"You know, most people would just say 'good to see you again.'"

He let go. "Secondly, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? You can't date an Octarian! They're the enemy!"

"You don't understand, Cobalt," she sighed. "This… this is true love."

"Lina, he would kill you in a second if he knew you were an Inkling."

"No he wouldn't." Cobalt glared at her. "Okay, he probably would, but people can change, Coberocto."

"Wait, how did you know that was my-" He was interrupted by Lina cracking up. "Wait, what's so funny?"

"I just figured it out! Ha! You're _jealous_!"

"What?" he answered, flustered. "Me? Of that jerk? Please."

"Aww, it's okay, Cobalt. You'll find love eventually."

"I. Am not. Jealous." He reached inside his costume and pulled out a walkie-talkie. "Agents 1 and 2, are you there?"

"Yep," responded two voices.

"Okay, side with me on this. Agent 4 shouldn't be falling in love with an Octarian in the middle of a war, right?"

"Yeah," said a voice, "she shouldn't do that."

"Thank you," replied Cobalt.

"Because it'll make her clingy friend jealous," continued the voice.

"Whoa! Sick burn, Mar- I mean, Agent-" The sounds of the transceiver stopped abruptly and were replaced by the sound of fizzling electronics as Cobalt stomped on the device.

"AM I THE ONLY SANE ONE AROUND HERE?" he yelled. Lina punched his arm. "Ow, what was that fo…" Cobalt turned the way Lina was facing and, horrified, noticed that a group of Octarians were now staring at him. They both stood motionless.

"Ah, that's probably just some new recruit that got jealous over something petty," said an Octoling. The rest of them muttered in agreement. "Yeah, this happens every week."

Lina breathed a sigh of relief and looked over at her exasperated friend. "You know what?" he said. "I'm done. Forget the mission, forget the Zapfish, forget everything, I'm leaving."

"Yeah, about that…" She reached into her pocket, and pulled out a bright squirming Zapfish.

"You… when did you…?"

"Yeah, it's a bit of a long story."

* * *

Ten minutes ago, Lina was sitting in front of DJ Octavio. He didn't have any memory of her, but then again, there was a new Octoling in the army every few minutes.

"So let me get this straight," said Octavio, holding the 23-page 'Zapfish Release Form' in one tentacle. Despite his best efforts, anything he tried to do in his position as Octobot King inevitably resulted in a bureaucratic nightmare. "You need this Zapfish… why, again?"

Lina thought for a moment. "You see, my uncle happens to be the prince of a far-off land…"

* * *

"I still can't believe he bought it," she said, gently petting the jittery fish.

Cobalt sighed. "So you managed to infiltrate the Octarian army, make connections, talk to DJ Octavio and steal a Zapfish over the course of 15 minutes?"

"I sure did!" She beamed. "I thought you told me this was hard!"

"Right," mumbled Cobalt, walking away.

"Where are you going?"

"You can stay here as long as you want, but I'm going to get some water."

"That's a good idea, wash that makeup off. I can't take you seriously looking like that."

"Oh no," he said, sticking his head out of the costume. "I'm using it to splat myself."

* * *

Lina crawled out of the kettle, emerging in Octo Valley. Pleased with herself, she slapped a squid sticker on the side of it. As she was about to leave, she noticed a shadowy figure sitting on the edge of the platform.

"Hey, Cobalt," she said, sitting down next to him.

"Hi," he responded, still half-dressed in his Octotrooper costume.

"You'll be pleased to know I broke up with that Octoling guy."

"Finally decided to take my advice?"

"Nah," she laughed. "I just learned about Octarian mating rituals."

"Well, spare me the details."

Lina put her arm on her friend's shoulder. "Come on, Cobalt, why're you so sad all of a sudden?"

"I don't know," he responded, looking away. "I guess… this is supposed to be my thing, you know? Coming up with the plans and doing cool agent things and saving the day. I've been doing this for a while, and then you come in and… well, you do better than anyone I've ever seen on your first day. I suppose I'm just petty."

Lina smiled. "Aw, c'mon, buddy. I don't like seeing you like this."

Cobalt didn't move.

"Listen, I might have done great today, but all those times we've played Turf Wars, you're always at the top of the team. And it seems like you always know what to say, which has gotten both of us out of trouble a lot. So, maybe I am better at planning and lying, but you're good in action, you're the best charger I've ever seen, and you're a better Squid Jump player. We complement each other. That's why we make a great team."

Cobalt's face lit up.

"So, what do you say?" She stretched out her hand. "Agent buddies?"

Holding back tears, he high-fived her. "Agent buddies."

"Awesome! Now then, could you do me one tiny favor?" Lina asked, grinning. "So, the trains don't run this late. Also, I'm pretty tired."

Cobalt's smile faded. "I don't like where this is going…"

Lina jumped on his back. "Carry me home, my steed!"

"Oof… couldn't you just turn into a squid and hide in my hair like a regular Inkling?"

"Nope. I'm still sore, remember?"

"…I wasn't kidding about splatting myself, you know. I'll do it."

"Aw, c'mon!" she yelled, tugging on his hair. "Pleeeeease?"

Cobalt sighed, smiled, and started walking.


	3. Chapter 3

Cobalt looked up from his SDS in between levels of Squid Jump and noticed his friend walking over with an enthusiastic look on her face. He glanced back down at the game, muttering a "Hey, Lina" in her direction.

She sat down next to him on the bench and waited for him to finish his game in silence. Eventually, though, her patience ran out. "Cobalt! Aren't you gonna ask me what I'm so excited about?"

"Huh?" he mumbled, still paying attention to the screen. "Oh, sure, just… wait… a second…"

Lina started shaking the bench in glee. Her friend seemed to struggle until, finally, the gloomy sound of a game over played. "Wow. Again, on level twenty-four," Cobalt sighed, putting the machine back in his pocket. "Alright Lina, what's the big news?"

"You really don't know?" she asked, grinning from ear to ear. She threw her arms up in the air. "SPLATFEST IS COMING!"

Cobalt looked unimpressed. "Mmm," he said, taking his SDS out again and slouching back.

Lina, frustrated, grabbed his shoulders and shook him. "What is your problem?" she shouted. "Splatfest! Fun! Fireworks! Dancing!"

Reluctantly, he replied, "no, I… have a terrible history with Splatfests."

"Really? What happened?"

"Well," he said, focusing on Inkopolis tower to try to relive his memories, "the first time I was in a Splatfest, I ended up hospitalizing three Inklings. Apparently, you aren't allowed to tackle people."

"So what, you had a bad first time, that doesn't mean this Splatfest will be-"

Cobalt chuckled. "Oh no, that was just the first one I took part in. Let's see… I once got hit by lightning in Kelp Dome, indoors mind you. The next time, I did some pretty harsh structural damage to Saltspray Rig… oh, but nothing can be worse than what happened during last month's Splatfest. You know."

Lina eyed him suspiciously. "No, I don't. I only got to Inkopolis two weeks ago."

"You _had_ to have seen it on the news. The incident with gasoline, and those inflatable waving tube men that-"

"WHOA!" She jumped to the other side of the bench. Incredulously, the girl slowly asked, "T-that was _you?_ "

"Yeah," sighed Cobalt, "but this stays between you and me." Lina nodded. "Well… you, me, and Judd. That cat sees and hears everything."

Judd meowed, staring gravely at the boy and catching Lina off guard. How he had overheard their conversation when he was half the plaza away was anyone's guess.

"Alright, maybe you should sit this one out and just root for me." She noticed Cobalt was grinning from ear to ear, looking lost in thought. "Wait, that look on your face… you're planning something, aren't you?"

The boy snapped back to reality, looking embarrassed. His smile disappeared as quickly as it came. "Oh, uh… well, yes. This time, I'm going to turn my luck around."

"Well, good luck with that." Lina got up and walked away.

"W-wait, where are you going?"

"School. And, honestly, you should be too. There are only so many sick days you can take before it stops being believable."

"Hold on," he stammered, "don't…" Lina turned around. "Actually, never mind. I'll… see you later." Looking a little confused, she waved goodbye and kept going. Cobalt sighed and leaned back, his hearts racing.

* * *

"I don't know, Callie." Cobalt slumped down in the chair Marie usually sat in. It was comfortable, but the surprised looks of people peering into the studio and seeing him made him feel uneasy. "I mean, I really do like her, you know? So maybe I could ask her out for this Splatfest, but… I don't really know how I would go about that. Besides, I have no idea how she'd even react…"

Callie looked exasperated. "Agent 3, you called me here in the middle of Splatfest preparations for _this_? You told me there was an emergency!"

"Oh, come on," he groaned. "At least have sympathy. You must have been young and in love at some point, too."

"I think- wait, I _was_ young?"

Cobalt shrugged.

"Well, first of all, nobody brings a date to a Splatfest. Sure, they're fun, but they're basically a hyper-competitive murder festival. Not exactly what I would call romantic… especially with that unspeakable tube man incident that happened last time."

The boy shifted uneasily in his chair.

"But, do you really want my advice?"

Cobalt nodded attentively.

"Just ask her, and be yourself." She smiled and got up from the chair.

"Hey, wait a second!" he jumped up. "You still owe me a favor for saving Cuttlefish, right? Do you think, if I write something for Lina, you could announce it during the news? You know, something cute like that?"

Callie thought for a moment. "Well, we _could…_ but think about it. You two are agents. If we broadcast your names to all of Inkopolis and then some, it would be pretty hard to stay inconspicuous, right?"

Cobalt turned even paler than usual and started to sweat. "Oh… we're supposed to stay hidden?"

"Agent 3… how many people did you tell you were an agent?"

"Mmm… two…"

"Oh," Callie sighed. "That's not too bad, as long as those people are trustworthy and-"

"…hundred."

The Squid Sister's mouth fell open. "Y-you can't be serious."

"You're right," he responded, taking out his phone. "My post about me being an agent got two hundred _Yeahs_ , so… any number of people know I'm an agent. But, you know, at least two hundred."

Callie started pacing back and forth, her eye twitching. She started counting how many people had seen her and the boy together today. Worst case scenario, somebody recognized him, saw him speaking to her, and put two and two together. "What did you think the secret part of secret agent meant? You're not supposed to tell anyone!"

"Then what's the point?"

"You… never mind," Callie sighed dejectedly. "Hey, while you're here, Gramps is busy with something today and Marie is always gone the day before a Splatfest. Do you think you could watch DJ Octavio for a few hours, you know, and make sure nothing happens?"

Cobalt looked glum. "Sure. But what does Marie even do on a Splatfest eve?"

"…Actually, now that you mention it, I have no idea. Huh. Well, see you later, and good luck with Agent 4," she said, walking out the door. "And good luck now that everyone knows who you are," she muttered under her breath.

* * *

 _Hey, Lina,_ the boy typed on his phone. _I was wondering if you wanted to..._ no, that didn't sound right. Besides, she was still at school, and having to wait a few more hours for a response would tear him apart.

"Ugh," he groaned, kicking his legs back and forth. The cityscape that displayed on the sides of the wall of the main Octo Valley dome was looking as bright as ever, despite all the Zapfish having been taken back. He had to commend the Octarians for something, at least – they're quite good at what they do.

A low, muffled sound came from behind Cobalt.

He jolted up in surprise, dropping his phone in the process. Turning around, he saw Octavio laughing inside his snow globe.

"Ugh," Cobalt groaned, picking his phone back up. "For the fiftieth time, no, I'm not letting you out."

Octavio spoke, but the glass orb muffled his voice. He gestured for the boy to come closer, and Cobalt put his ear to the glass.

"I see you're having lady problems, kid. I can help."

Cobalt chuckled. "Assuming I even wanted your help… how?"

"Easy. You let me out of this… thing, and I pretend to be the big, bad, scary Octarian that's going to wreak havoc. You come out of somewhere, shoot at me, I fall over, and whoever you wanted to impress is impressed. I've been doing this for years."

"…for years?"

"Yeah, but I charged for it. How else do you think I made enough cash to pay for that expensive floating fortress?"

"Um, with what you earned as a DJ?"

The Octarian broke out into laughter, wiping tears from his eyes. "Oh... oh cod! The fact that you're serious just makes it all the more funny!"

Cobalt rolled his eyes. "So you're telling me that you'll help me out, free of charge, and you'll willingly get back in captivity? What's the catch?"

"Well," he said gruffly, "there is something. You see, I… have a wife back home, and she hasn't been doing so well as of late. The hospital she's staying in is supposedly one of the best, but… it's running out of power." Octavio scratched his head. "I'll help you with your stupid girl troubles if… if you could find it in one of your hearts to give just one Zapfish back."

Tears welled up in the boy's eyes. "I… I don't know…"

"Nobody will notice one measly Zapfish gone. Besides… you can trust me."

* * *

Cobalt was once again kicking his legs back and forth in Octo Valley. This time, however, the snow globe behind him was empty, and he was alone… or so he thought. Hearing the sound of whistling, he turned around. "Hey, this is off-limits, you can't be back- wait a second… Marie?"

Sure enough, the white-haired girl was there, but she looked quite different. She wasn't wearing her signature hat, and was still wearing striped pajamas. Strangest of all, however, was that she was carrying about ten empty seashells. "Ah! A-agent 3!"

"Were you… behind Cuttlefish's shed this whole time? What are you even doing here?"

"Um," she said, flustered, "I don't… hey, I could ask you the same question!"

"For your information, your sister... well, cousin I guess, asked me to keep an eye on Octavio."

Marie glanced to her left, seeing that the snowglobe he used to be held in was empty. "You don't seem to be doing a very good job."

Cobalt sighed and explained the situation to her. Marie looked increasingly concerned as he elaborated.

"And then he said to wait a few minutes for him to be ready and not to follow him yet, and he left through that kettle."

Marie was stunned. "How long ago was this?"

"About… an hour…" Cobalt mumbled, dejectedly.

"Do you have any idea what you've done?"

"I'd… prefer to stay in denial."

"Come on," she said, dropping the shells on the ground and tugging the boy by the arm towards the grate. She slipped on the surgical mask she kept around in case she needed to look inconspicuous in public. "Let's just hope we're not too late to undo any damage."

"I'm sure Octavio's a man of his word," Cobalt mumbled to himself, trying to calm himself down as he followed the girl through the kettle. "He probably just got caught up in something."

"Oh yeah? Then explain that," she said, pointing in the direction of Ammo Knights.

"Why, what's the prob… oh no." Cobalt's line of sight followed where she was pointing at. The store had a gaping hole in the wall, roughly the same size and shape as the ship Octavio piloted when Cobalt had fought him the first time. "So… this is shaping up to be my second worst Splatfest."

"SHELDON!" they yelled, running towards the store as fast as they could. Marie took off her mask so the shopkeeper would recognize her. Cobalt considered whether he should have brought some sort of disguise.

"H-he… I didn't even notice…" the crab whimpered, completely pale and hiding behind the counter. "So careless… but what could I have d-done…"

"What happened?" the boy crossed his arms.

"I w-was just minding my own business, and suddenly I noticed ink on the ground… Octarian ink. That's when I realized… h-he must have snuck in. Then, out of nowhere, Octavio's ship comes crashing out of the basement, with him in it, tearing a hole r-right through the wall… just when I had finished painting it…"

They looked down at the ground, where a large section of the floor was missing. In its place was a hole that lead straight down somewhere, but it was too dark to make out. "Hold on…" said Cobalt, "that ship's existence is supposed to be top secret. Where'd you get it?"

"The Cap'n sends over any Octarian technology he recovers. I'd made some adjustments to the ship, actually… or should I say, Experiment 38. Now it's super-efficient, fast, has all sorts of weaponry, its hull is practically impenetrable, it's got a seat warmer…"

"You made it _stronger?_ "

"Yes, _and_ I added a seat warmer! Pay attention!"

The boy became increasingly dismayed by the second. "And this is… Experiment 38? You have 37 others? What even are they?"

"Oh boy," said the crab gleefully, rubbing his hands together. "All sorts of stuff, really! Octavio didn't find anything else, which is probably for the best, but I've been very busy as of late. I'm really proud of Experiment 17, which-" Marie motioned for him to shut up, pointing at the confused looking Inkling in front of her. "Um, never mind, it's… not important. But rest assured everything I'm doing is completely ethical… mostly."

A booming noise shook the town, followed by the unmistakable sound of Octavio's laugh. Cobalt would have to confront Sheldon about his shady practices later. "Alright, we need some weapons."

"Sure, if you've got the money."

"WHAT?" yelled Marie. "The entire city's in danger and you're charging us to save the day?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," he cooed in response, "you're right. I don't _need_ any money when MY SHOP HAS A GAPING HOLE THROUGH THE WALL AND FLOOR THAT'S GOING TO COST A FORTUNE TO FIX!"

The two Inklings looked at each other in surprise. They've never seen Sheldon that angry before, and they weren't even sure he was capable of getting angry. "Point… taken," Marie mumbled. "Uh… I left my purse at home, so… could you pay for this one, Agent 3?"

"Wait a second…" the boy responded, "We're an agency, right? Can't we just… commandeer some weapons in the name of the law?"

"About that… we're a 'government agency' in the same sense that Chirpy Chirps is a 'band.' We don't have any… real authority."

Sheldon chuckled nervously and hid his Chirpy Chirps poster.

Cobalt mumbled and pulled about two hundred points worth of coins out of his pocket. The Squid Sister sighed. "Can… this get me anywhere?" he asked.

"Actually, I might have something," said the crab, digging furiously through the shelves. "And… here it is!" He came back holding a giant, unadorned, black tube with a button on the side and all sorts of unknown machinery and duct tape stuck to the sides.

Marie held back laughter. Cobalt's heart sank. "Uh… what is it?"

"I have no idea what it's called, but it's basically a relic from times before the Great Turf War. I'll let you take it off my hands for… well, any price, really; I think just keeping it around is scaring people away. It has all the fire rate of a Jet Squelcher combined with the range of an Aerospray."

"You say that like it's a good thing." Sheldon shrugged in response. "What sub does it have?"

"Erm…" the crab flipped through a booklet quickly. "It says here it has… no sub."

"Well, Agent 3," said Marie, poking his side. "Looks like you picked a real winner!"

"Let me finish! It does, however, have an Inkzooka special, and this is the Inkzooka from the good old days, not the watered-down version they use in Turf Wars today thanks to our hippie Congress. A few blasts from that can probably destroy a building." Sheldon took the handful of coins and threw the gun at the boy, who caught it awkwardly, expecting it to be much lighter. "Don't hurt yourself, kid."

"What… about… you, Marie?" Cobalt groaned, struggling with the weapon's weight.

"Are you kidding?" she said as they both walked out of the remains of the store. "I'm not getting within a mile of Octavio. Good luck, though!"

"I figured as much," he mumbled. "But I will need backup, even if we have to share a gun…"


	4. Chapter 4

Lina was quickly scribbling down notes, trying hard to keep up with what the teacher was saying. Every time she looked up, the glare from the open windows shone right in her eyes, so she had resigned herself to just staring down at her paper the whole time. _The first Splatfest in prehistoric times,_ she wrote, _was fought between George Washington and Emperor Nero. Though the festival's teams are unknown, most scholars agree that…_ her thought process was interrupted by a gentle knocking noise. She looked around to see where it came from, finally realizing it came from outside.

After giving her eyes some time to adjust to the light, she saw Cobalt frantically gesturing through the window. Lina rolled her eyes, and mouthed "later." _That boy doesn't know when to stop_ , she thought, resuming her writing. Soon enough, however, the knocking sound repeated. Outside the window now were Cobalt and what she recognized as a tired looking Marie, flailing their arms around and mouthing either "Octavio on the loose" or "Horatio with a noose," it was hard to tell. Understanding the severity of the situation, she turned into a squid and quietly slinked her way out of the school.

"Alright," she said, meeting the boy and the girl outside, "something tells me you weren't talking about a guy named Horatio."

Marie and Cobalt looked at each other in confusion.

"So, Octavio broke out?" The two Inklings nodded. "How?"

" _How?_ " Marie replied sternly. "I'll tell you how; Romeo over here tried t- OW!" She was interrupted by Cobalt kicking her shin.

"How it happened doesn't really matter," the boy said, glaring fiercely at the Squid Sister. "What's important is that we stop him. With… this," he continued, glancing at the clunky weapon in his hands.

Lina was confused. "I'm not too sure what's going on, but… we beat him once before. How hard can it be to do it again? It's not like he got stronger or anything, right?"

The boy chuckled awkwardly.

"Here," said Marie, giving both of them the Hero headsets. "We'll communicate with those. Good luck." Walking back towards the studio, she started mumbling to herself. "Kick me in the shin, huh? I could… sue you for that…"

* * *

Despite the sounds of Octavio's whirring machinery, Urchin Underpass was quieter than usual. Normally, the bustling noises of passing cars or the cheers and groans of Inklings battling filled the air, but the area wasn't currently in the rotation for any games and it wasn't even close to rush hour yet, giving the map an odd sense of calm.

"Where is everyone?" the Octobot King snapped, slamming his tentacles against the controls of the machine. In doing so, he unwittingly launched an Inkstrike that flew far into the distance. "Well… I wish that crab wouldn't have gotten rid of the DJ equipment, or the giant fists, but," he grinned and grabbed the controls, "this'll do quite nicely. I just hope he didn't mess with the seat settings."

The two Inklings slowly creeped up behind a wall. Cobalt glanced around the wall, seeing the strange floating machine shoot all sorts of purple ink in every direction. The trees had been uprooted, debris littered the ground, and the surrounding area was damaged very haphazardly. "Alright," he said, turning to Lina, who was helping him carry the heavy device. "Let's see what this can do."

Octavio was still testing out his modified vehicle when he noticed them sneaking up behind him. "Oh, it's you two again."

"We had a deal, Octavio!" Cobalt yelled, shaking his fist.

The Octarian merely chuckled. "Are you kidding me? I'm a leader. I lie and break promises for a living!"

"But… what about your wife?"

"Ha! I've never been married in my life! But I must thank you for giving me that Zapfish so easily; this floating fortress would've run out of power by now without it."

The boy was agitated, the girl was bewildered. "Cobalt, what… what's going on?"

"Never mind, Lina. Let's just splat this guy to bits!" Cobalt pressed the button on the tube, and it started vibrating and whirring. The Octarian crouched and hid inside the machine. The gun kept sputtering, until finally, a small bit of blue ink was shot out of the weapon's nozzle and landed a few feet in front of them. Lina glared at the boy in dismay.

"Well then, now it's my turn." The Octarian slammed a button on the dashboard, doing nothing noticeable. "Huh… I just felt a little bit warmer. Well, let's try… this?" As he pulled a lever, a powerful Inkzooka blast shot out from the front of the ship, just barely missing the Inklings and leaving behind a purple trail. As soon as he noticed their terrified faces, he grinned and started to frantically pull the lever up and down, sending shots in every direction. Cobalt and Lina bolted away just in time, still trying to shoot the weapon Sheldon gave them just in case it could help.

"Agents!" a voice spoke through the headsets. "It sounds like you're being shot at."

"REALLY?" they groaned in unison.

"Alright, go easy on me, guys. I can't see what you're doing, I can only hear it. Listen, you two should know this map better than Octavio, he's never even been here before. See if you can hide somewhere."

The two dashed back in the direction of the spawn, scrambling up ramps still in their humanoid form seeing as they couldn't throw ink down quickly enough to swim. Octavio was behind them, yet he was slowly falling behind. "Okay, let's see," he mumbled. "I remember… the turbo button was… here!" As he pushed another button on the control panel, he winced. "OW! Oh, come on! Why are there _two_ buttons for the seat warmer?" By the time the Octarian managed to get things back to how they were, the Inklings were out of sight. He yelled in frustration.

* * *

"Alright," said Cobalt, slumping down to a sitting position in a narrow corridor. "He… he shouldn't be able to find us here."

Lina was panting. "Cobalt… I feel something's going on here that you're not telling me."

"W-what gave you that idea?"

Marie's voice sounded through the headset. "Tell her, Agent 3. I think she deserves to know."

Cobalt sighed and started talking. "Alright, I'll be honest… I was the one who let Octavio out."

"Why?"

Cobalt looked up at her bright blue eyes, then turned his head down. "Because… we had made a deal that we could stage a fight where I beat him. That's it."

Lina scratched her head. "I don't get it, though… why would you want to win a staged fight?"

His face turned a bright shade of blue, the same color as his ink. "Because… I was trying to impress you."

She opened her eyes wide in stunned silence.

"It's just that… since the day I first met you," he said, struggling to find the right words, "I… I really liked you. You're beautiful, and smart, and… I really wanted to ask you out for this Splatfest, but… I couldn't think of a good way to do it. Then what I thought was an opportunity backfired, and… well here we are." Cobalt chuckled nervously, still not daring to look up. The silence continued for several seconds. "I-I mean, if you don't wan…" as the boy slowly looked up, he noticed the girl in front of him had started to cry. "Lina! Oh, no no no…" he went over to her, wiping her tears away. "Listen, I'm really sorry…"

"Don't be…" she replied, ink stains around her eyes. "You're a veteran at battling and you're older and you were an agent first and everything… I didn't think you would be interested in some newbie like me… But… I love you too."

Cobalt froze, then he smiled wide. "Hey, it's alright, don't cry. You look even prettier when you're happy."

Lina smiled too, staring into the boy's eyes. She leaned in closer to him.

"Agents," sounded a voice through the headsets. "Listen, I really hate to break up this moment, but Octavio's still at large and if we don't act fast he might get bored and move onto more populated areas of Inkopolis."

The message snapped the two back to reality. They realized that they were now inches away from each other, so they nervously shuffled back a few feet.

"Oh… th-thanks for the heads up, Marie," said Lina, blushing.

"W-well then, let's fix this situation," Cobalt said with determination. He took the gun and started firing away, inking the ground around them. "I have a plan."

"Alright!"

"I'm going to use you as bait."

"Alri… oh…" Lina's enthusiasm disappeared as quickly as it came. "Can… can we go back to ten seconds ago?"

"Come on, we have to finish this first. Now then, I think my special is… just about ready. All you have to do is get Octavio in range, and the Inkzooka will take care of the rest."

"…Fine, but you owe me one."

* * *

At this point, Octavio had tried every switch, lever, and button on the ship. None of them, apparently, activated an Echolocator. He was silently cursing himself for not being able to find those Inklings, but to be fair, the whole map was practically a maze. He was about to give up when he heard a voice behind him yell, "HEY! OCTO… uh… FACE!"

Turning the ship around, he noticed a familiar girl standing alone and unarmed. "Well, well, Agent 4. You and that boyfriend of yours splatted me all that time ago, and I figured it's time to… return the favor." The machine charged straight at Lina, sounding like it was charging up a Killer Wail.

"Alright, Cobalt… any second now."

"About that… you know that thing that happens sometimes when you think you have your special ready, but you don't?"

"WHAT? Just… just ink something quickly! Anything!"

"I can't! Everything around me is already blue! I… I'll come up with something, but you're going to have to stall!"

Lina gulped and turned to Octavio. "Hey! Stop!"

Much to her surprise, he slowed down to a halt a short distance in front of her. The Killer Wail looked like it was ready to launch at any second. "What?" he replied gruffly.

"Uh…" she said, looking at Cobalt, who was soaking up the blue ink with his clothes so he could ink it again. "Do you want to talk for twenty seconds about… politics?"

"No." Octavio moved his tentacle right onto the button labeled 'Unleash Wail.' "Any last words?"

Lina started sweating. Suddenly, she remembered how Octavio had reacted when Callie and Marie started playing their song that time. "Um… I think the Squid Sisters are overrated."

The Octobot King lifted his arm. "WHAT?"

"WHAT?" screamed Marie.

Lina threw her headset to the side. "I mean, sure, they're decent TV personalities and all that, but in terms of musical talent, I think they're pretty lacking."

Octavio scratched his head. "Well, I'm… I'm not really a huge fan of the Sisters or anything, you know, but… you probably just haven't heard their better songs."

"Oh yeah? Which ones?"

" I don't know… Roller Coaster?"

"That one's _alright,_ I guess, but at parts it just sounds like they hired a five-year-old to slap a synthesizer."

"What about Clam Out?"

"Marie's vocals ruined that one for me."

Had Lina had the headset on, she would've heard Marie cursing.

"Marie!" Cobalt whispered, having been shocked by the sudden noise, "she's not even wearing the headphones! You're preaching to the choir."

Octavio was racking his brain. "Um… what about their newest single?"

Lina was pleasantly surprised that her distraction was working. "It's… a bit meh."

"How about Splatstreet's Back?"

"I don't… think that was by them…" she glanced over her shoulder and saw Cobalt's hair was glowing. He gave her a thumbs-up.

"What?" Octavio was getting annoyed. "What are you looking at… oh no." Perched atop a high platform, the boy he had conned into letting him free was holding onto an old model of an Inkzooka that Octavio immediately recognized from the Great Turf War. A loud boom resonated through the whole Underpass, shooting the largest inkshot either of the Inklings had ever seen. In a fraction of a second before he was splatted, Octavio quickly pressed a random button in the hopes that it would activate a Bubbler strong enough to protect him.

Instead, the chair underneath him heated up.

* * *

Cobalt and Lina were once again sitting on the same bench they had been sitting on that morning. This time, however, they were holding hands and smiling sheepishly.

"Well," Cobalt said, glancing down at his shirt that now had a huge blue ink stain on it. "That's not coming out anytime soon, but I guess it's a small price to pay. In the end, everything worked out fine, didn't it?"

"Yeah!" Lina replied, grinning. "Really, I can't wait to spend all of Splatfest tomorrow with you, uh…" She blushed. "C… Coby… wait, no… uh…"

The boy beside her laughed. "You can still call me Cobalt, you know."

"Sure," she said, giggling.

"Meow," mumbled a tired-looking Judd who walked past them.

"What?" Cobalt was shocked. "Splatfest is postponed?"

"Meow."

"50,000,000 points worth of property damage done to Urchin Underpass?"

"Meow."

"Wha… no, of course this had nothing to do with that inflatable waving arm man!"

Judd started to walk away, and Cobalt turned to the girl next to him. "Alright, well… Splatfest is postponed for a week… but, hey! We can wait until then to be able to fight for Team Cat together, right?"

"Yeah, we tot-" the girl's smile faded. "Wait a second, did you just say… Team Cat?"

"Erm… yes?"

"Well, I'm… sorry, but I'm definitely going to be on Team Dog. This one really matters to me." Lina looked noticeably worried.

Cobalt scratched his head. "Well, alright, I guess. I suppose we could still dance together and… wait, where are you going?"

She stood up and started walking away quickly. "Oh, sorry, it's uh… just look at the time! It's getting… pretty late…"

"You don't… you're not even wearing a watch!"

"Can't hear you, sorry! I'll see you around later!" her voice slowly faded as she got farther and farther away.

Cobalt sighed. "What was that even about… well, today was not my day."

"Meow," mumbled an aggravated Judd.

"Yeah, tell me about it."


End file.
